The value of I
“I have to get MY job done!”
This is how I was feeling tonight. This is my sense of passion, my
drive to complete the challenges ahead, and also my ego. My sense of
self worth is closely tied to my ability to work and earn a living. I
would like to say that I have seperated my work from my ego, but I have
to be honest with myself and the truth is that I try desperately to
achieve these goals in order to feel good.
Am I a work a holic?
I dion’t think so. I’ll be ready to call it a day as soon as the job is
done. The trouble comes when the job isn’t done in a day. This is
especially a problem when I have to continually tell people that the job
is not yet done. Every time I have to admit it, I cringe slightly. And
so to avoid this cringe, and to keep myself esteem I toil to meet the
deadlines and complete the work. I work even harder. I talk to my
neighbors less, I smile less, I laugh less. I focus more on the task at
hand rather than the people around me. I also become irritable.
Is this drive, this force of my ego a good thing or a bad thing? Is it
healthy? Will listening to this drive which emanates from my ego lead
me to happiness or frustration? I acknowledge that there will always be
both happiness and frustration in my life, but will this drive of my ego
increase my tendency toward stress and frustraton or happiness and
satisfaction?
Tonight I feel wound up and frustrated.