Gee, Think.

I’ve recently started reading “Awaken Healing Light of the Tao” by Mantak Chia.

What a wonderful book. I really enjoy the discussion of Chi that extends over the first 50-70 pages. Chia goes into great detail explaining the Taoist theories of the universal energy (known as Chi), its role in the cosmos, as well as our individual well-being and health. I am personally drawn to the idea that we are all connected, and I think the explanation of that theory here is beautiful. This book would be great for anyone who wants to get a better understanding of the concept of Chi, which is often heard in relation to the martial arts. However the idea of Chi is applied to many more circumstances and situations.

The first exercise in Chi flow mentioned in the book is the Inner Smile. I have only attempted this exercise twice. I am a novice in the general practice of meditation. My only other experience with meditative practice is the Chut Gum Moon (7 Golden Passages) of Hung Ga, and Jam Jong (Zhan Zhuang). I think that these practices have helped to prepare me for the Inner Smile meditation, but that I still have a long way to go. Basically, the Inner Smile consists of drawing positive energy into your body, and systematically focusing it on various internal organs. In the Taoist theory, each organ is associated with specific character virtues and emotional states. The goal of the meditation, as I understand it, is to bring positive energy into your body in order to make your own virtues stronger and positive emotions more abundant.

Both times that I attempted this practice I did go through my day with much more positive energy. I think that it had a great affect on my emotional disposition. I felt more relaxed, happy, and able to deal with the hustle and bustle of my daily life. Specifically I was much more at peace during my commute to and from NYC. I hope to make the Inner Smile a frequent part of my meditative pratice. Maybe with time, I will feel the effects grow stronger.

Daily dedication is my most recent exploration. Hung Ga training has taken my mental focus to a new level. Every day, as a member of Yee’s Hung Ga International, I am instructed to perform several Hei Gong exercises. Sometimes these exercises are also referred to as Chi Gong. Their purpose is to build internal power. I believe that eventually they are meant to create a better flow of Chi within the body.

There are several sets of Hei Gong exercises but currently I only know of and pracitce one, the 7 Golden Passages. This is a set of 7 stances. In each stance, the method of training is to remain still while flexing certain muscles. In a way, these exercises are deceptive. Aside from breathing, there is no movement. However, each stance is designed to target a specific set of muscles. The stances are not common body positions and so beginners may have difficulty holding each stance for 1 minute.

I have noticed a great change in my physical health and strength since I started this regimen. It has been emphasized to me over and over again that it is absolutely imperative to do these exercises each and every day. With that in mind I am taking the challenge of making time for it everyday.

In the books on meditation which I’ve been reading I’ve read about something called Bare Attention. From what I understand this is a sort of state of perception in which the mind works to observe phenomenon without attaching a self-centered perspective. I’ve also read about mindfulness of mind-objects, which means to be conscious of the things which come into your mind. I believe such examples would be desire, attachment, joy, but then again those could also be called feelings.

Today I’ve been trying to put this into practice. I had my first experience of what I think could be mindfulness of mind objects. I was walking home from the train station and on my way passed over a sidewalk made of colored stone slabs. They were alternating between turqouise and purplish-grey colors. This was such a stark contrast to the dull poured concrete that I thought to myself “This is so nice! What a great way to add a little variety to the mundane!” I followed the stones ahead, and noticed that they also continued up a straight path to a homeowner’s steps. Immediately I thought “I hope that when I own a home, I can have stones like this in front of my house.” My mind then jumped to how I might get stones like this for myself. “I wonder how much they cost, and where would I get them? Would I have to hire someone to place them?”

That’s when I caught my train of thought. I had jumped from simply admiring the asthetic appeal of the sidewalk to creating a fantasy of a future in which I owned a similar sidewalk for myself. I was surprised at how quickly my mind had jumped from one thing to the other. This all happened in the time it took me to take two steps down the sidewalk. For me, this was an example of how quickly my mind can run off on its own, following a tangent when it could be simpler to just admire the natural beauty in front of me. I think that noticing the tendency of my mind to jump ahead could eventually lead to a quieter and more focused state of mind.

Triumphantly, I’ve returned!!

I’ve recently been challenged with the opportunity to see just how far I can take my dedication to my profession. The past couple months were a trial in persistance, faith, and relentless self-affirmation. I met long hours as sunless mornings and late nights. I saw what it is like to become completely absorbed in a project work schedule. There were weeks when I saw my fiance only when she was either sleeping or driving me to the train station. I missed engagements with friends and family. This was a challenge for my own endurance, and also for our resiliency together. I personally felt the costs of such a schedule, and can now say without question how far I am willing to go and under which circumstances. Part of the cost to me from the process was time with these people. After paying those costs, I’ve realized how much I enjoy that time. I appreciate time with friends and family on an even deeper level now.

I learned the meaning of expectations and deadlines. I felt great about meeting deadlines, and felt the excrutiating anxiety of missing them. I put all of my energy into my work, even through the weekends, and there was still more to do. These were challenges that I had not previously met. I feel excellent about the effort I put forth, and that’s a feeling that I could not have from any lesser collection of demands.

The work that I do is very different from the work of any of the men from previous generations in my family, and yet we can still talk to each other about our seperate experiences as similiar tests of “what you’re made of”. I put forth the best effort I can because I hope to be able to hold myself up to their example of work ethic.
This experience was challenging, but something I see as a positive chapter in my life. It was a time when I was able to say that no matter how tired I feel, no matter what kind of pressure I’m feeling, I’m just going to keep going on because I believe that by going on, we’ll make it. We did make it. We got to the other side, and my team was able to contribute to the good of the whole through our individual self sacrifices. Knowing this is the best reward I could have for the effort I put forward.

My work schedule is demanding. The work load has increased recently.  My work day lasts about an hour longer each day, which translates into an hour less at home enjoying the domestic scene. Is it worth it? Is it necessary? Will sacrificing those extra hours now pay off for me and my family in the future?  These are the questions I’m asking myself. I have not yet come to the conclusions. There is no doubt that the extra hours result in extra compensation. In certain ways, that makes our lives easier. At the same time, although I am compensated additionally for the extra hours, I am not as able to keep up with the household chores or get enough rest.  This puts strain on my relationships and health as I become less rested, less energetic, and have less time to get everything done. So how do I find the balance? I expect there to be some amount of sacrifice and toil in my life. From
what I hear, life is not just a walk in the park. Actually it’s quite hard to get by, even in a land of opportunity. So the question really is: how hard is too hard? I don’t want to sacrifice my health, physical or mental, for success and
comfort. I don’t want to sacrifice my realtionships either. Those things are worth much more than a salary. That’s definitely true. At the same time I accept gladly that life is not all peaches and cream. I take my work seriously and work hard to get it done. But how will I know when I am working to hard? I’m guessing it’s like love; when you know you just know. It’s nothing someone can give you a formula for. For the time being I am going to keep on working hard because I don’t think I’ve quite reached that danger point where work and personal life are imbalanced. I’m going to
be conscious of the trade offs and strains that I see forming. If I get too wrapped up in it I hope I’ll see it before it creates problems.

I’m really disappointed that my puts did not increase in value on a day
when the Qs moved down over 30 cents. I checked the delta on QQQUJ and
it is -0.06. This means that the puts will increase 6 cents in value if
the Qs decrease in value by a dollar. That’s a pretty weak rate of
movement. So now I don’t know what I should do. I’d like to have an
option that will take more advantage of the downside, but my trading
account is so low, the costs of trading in and out of a position are
really biting me. It’s discouraging when the market moves your way but
you option is of such low quality that it hardly moves.

I’m continuing to surprise myself. When I remember my state of mind 18
months ago, on 17th February 2005 I know that I could never have
predicted myself ending up spending hours a day studying the stock
market. I would have laughed hard and long if someone had explained my
fate to me. The jersey living NYC working part wouldn’t have been so
hard to believe, but becoming immersed in the financial world would have
been.
I think I know myself better having gone through this change. My
occupation is drastically different than a year and a half ago, but I
still have a lot of the same likes and dislikes. The type music I
listen to hasn’t really changed. I still love the outdoors. I still
love to write. There’s also a lot that hasn’t changed.
When the world around me has changed, when I’ve altered the entire
environment of my daily life, I find myself looking inside to find the
familiar. Amidst the changes is when I find out what is constant.
Through the changes I must choose to hold onto what I wish to remian
constant. It is a conscious choice, and not a daily pattern or habit.
Perhaps the world can fully change a person, but I’m not ready for an
overhaul. I like a dynamic existence full of changes and variety, but I
don’t plan to lose myself in it.

There is something about trading psychology that I cannot overcome.
It’s an enduring optimism that the decision I’ve made in a trade is
right. I tend to hold onto a trade until I’ve lost at least 30%. At
that point I start to worry. I start to read articles looking for
reasons that I can use to bolster my opinion that the market will move
back my way in a short time. When I reach the 40% loss area, if I’ve
had cash on the sidelines I want to pour it in to lower my costbasis. I
think to myself that if I wasn’t right when I placed the trade, if I
could only buy in at the current depressed level I would surely be right
that time. It’s really a horrible trading psychology to have. So far
it’s been really hard to change.
I have heard that once a trade starts to go against you, you ought to
play it the other way. Swap out of your position, and take the opposite
action. If you’ve bought a put option for 1.00, with a 0.7 delta, and
the spread is now 0.9 by 0.95, sell out and buy the opposing call.
I have been unablr to put that into practive because I always believe
that the market is just tricking me into thinking I’m wrong. I think
that as soon as I take a realised loss and reverse my position, the
market will reverse as well.
So far, my psychology has really gotten in the way of successful
trading. I’ve got to try and change it somehow before I’m out of the
game.

Sociotimes.com is mentioned in the Elliot Wave Financial Forecast that
I’ve been reading over the past several days.
From my quick perusal I think that this website is focused on
interpreting the social implications of events. I think the
interpretations there are based on the theory that the stock markets are
barometers of aggregate social mood of the world’s population.
In the “Elliot Wave Principle” by Frost and Pretcher the theory that the
stock markets is a measurement of “man’s progress” is discussed. The
five and three wave pattern of the wave theory is likened to a natural
law that emerges from a wide variety of observations. The tenet that
nature follows the path of least reisistance bolsters the 5-3 numbers
since any lesser numbers would not allow for both progress and
alternation.
So the financial markets are seen as indicators of the social mood of
the world through the elliot wave theory. This sociotimes.com site
interprets events to see what they could indicate about social mood. It
seems like they are looking for correlations between public sentiment
and what the market is showing about our mood. Very intriguing.

This concludes another week! Yea!
That vaction to Maine really gave me some perspective on the kind of
life I’m living. When I’m in the routine I don’t really think about or
realize how hectic the schedule is. I’m still enjoying it though. It’s
not easy, but it’s not hard. It’s something that I can stay interested
in.
Almost one year has passed since I started the commuter lifestyle. So
far, so good. Most days I’m either reading a book, blogging, and
reading webpages. It’s not as if my train time goes by wasted.
Sometimes I just take the time to relax from my day. I like to have the
train ride on those trying days because it gives me a place to
decompress before hittin home.
I don’t want a life of leisure. I always want to have work to do. I
think seeing the product of your efforts is one of the great joys in
life. Of course it comes behind the love of companionship or family,
but it’s still up there. I’m still feeling like I really found a great
place for myself.